The Waiting is the Hardest Part

We leave for Arizona on Friday and the surgery is on Tuesday. After waiting 10 months it is practically here. Sometimes, when I realize how close it is, it takes my breathe away. No, I'm not having second thoughts, not questioning why. No, it's simply recognition of how much there is still to take care of, how much there is still to go through. Really, the last major tasks are packing and traveling. I keep remembering things that we need to take with us, things that I was told to bring, but I also keep trying to decide what can be left behind. While I can carry bags on the way there I need to assume that it's all on Michele on the way back. I think we'll try to ship back whatever we can do without right away upon return. We'll be out there 14 days but I'll be in the hospital for 9 of them so I don't need much clothes. What I do bring has to be forgiving to a tender abdomen: shirts dresses, loose shirts and baggy pants, a nightgown rather than pajamas with pants. Do I need sneakers or can I get away with just sandals? I want to say no sneakers but I don't know if we'll do any sight seeing on Sunday. Probably better to be safe and bring the sneakers. Yeah, I can always ship them home.

I've read so much about what is done during surgery, what normally happens on what day afterwards, what the facilities are like. Now, I need to experience it all for myself. How much will it hurt? Will I be up for out-of-the-hospital excursions? How bad is dilation? How long will I be out of work? How soon can I start exercising again? What will sex be like, will I be orgasmic? What's female orgasm like anyway?!? It's a whole new world of experience and at times it feels overwhelming. I'd rather deal with a reality that's not quite what I wanted than to have to wonder what will be. I hate this uncertainty! Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do but prepare and wait.