The Great Unknown
Michele has just written an initial piece regarding her concerns about our post-op life. She wonders how it will all turn out: will I become more comfortable with myself, how will our intimacy change, will my outlook on things change? All that I can think is that everything is going to get better (am I being optimistic or naive?) I've reached a point where I'm comfortable with who I am and where I'm going. Unfortunately, I'm not yet as comfortable with my body. Having a penis means that I have a fear of "exposure", a fear that I might be "found out" to be something I don't appear to be. I "need" a vagina, the final membership card to the world of women. I figure it's a given that I'll become more confident in myself. I'm counting on it!
I think that Michele is worried about something that Rusty Lynn, a counselor, said at our last support group meeting. He said something to the idea that a person who is uncomfortable with her self is likely to still be uncomfortable after surgery. I think that he was talking about the need to work out life issues before surgery. GRS is definitely not a cure-all; an unhappy, poorly adjusted TS isn't miraculously going to know how to relate to other people or become a good parent. That sort of thing takes work, possibly years of therapy and counseling. A T* is doing himself a disservice to not work through this stuff before surgery. In fact, it's for this reason the Benjamin Standards exist. I've done my work. True, my breasts will still be smaller than I'd like and my shoulders are never going to get any narrower. My body image still needs some work.
What about intimacy? So far, it's been a bit frustrating. I don't really like thinking about, or using, my penis as a sexual organ anymore. Michele is a lesbian who had no experience with a penis. She's done her best to give me an enjoyable experience but it hasn't been easy for either of us. Following surgery I'll be anatomically more what she's used to but there's no guarantee that I'll respond in the same way as a genetic woman. I know I'm concerned about this. She must be, too. The bottom line is that we both love each other and want to work together to find mutually satisfactory solutions. That's what intimacy is all about.
Will my outlook change? I'm not sure what she's talking about here. We need to talk.
I think that Michele is worried about something that Rusty Lynn, a counselor, said at our last support group meeting. He said something to the idea that a person who is uncomfortable with her self is likely to still be uncomfortable after surgery. I think that he was talking about the need to work out life issues before surgery. GRS is definitely not a cure-all; an unhappy, poorly adjusted TS isn't miraculously going to know how to relate to other people or become a good parent. That sort of thing takes work, possibly years of therapy and counseling. A T* is doing himself a disservice to not work through this stuff before surgery. In fact, it's for this reason the Benjamin Standards exist. I've done my work. True, my breasts will still be smaller than I'd like and my shoulders are never going to get any narrower. My body image still needs some work.
What about intimacy? So far, it's been a bit frustrating. I don't really like thinking about, or using, my penis as a sexual organ anymore. Michele is a lesbian who had no experience with a penis. She's done her best to give me an enjoyable experience but it hasn't been easy for either of us. Following surgery I'll be anatomically more what she's used to but there's no guarantee that I'll respond in the same way as a genetic woman. I know I'm concerned about this. She must be, too. The bottom line is that we both love each other and want to work together to find mutually satisfactory solutions. That's what intimacy is all about.
Will my outlook change? I'm not sure what she's talking about here. We need to talk.
posted by Nicole Thomas at
10:00 PM
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