Past, Present, and Future?

My friends are planning a pre-SRS party for me. I'm not sure if it is for the purpose of sending me off with well wishes or if it's to be a "Fred is Dead" sort of thing. If it's the latter, I feel it's a year too late. Last year, when I went full time, was when I felt a "Fred is Dead" party was appropriate. There I was, bagging up all of "his" clothes and hauling it to Goodwill in order to make room for "her" clothes. For me it was a time of turning a page in my book of life. As much as I want the surgery and I look forward to my post-op body I feel that going full time was more of a defining moment in my life. It was at that moment that I finally got to be who I knew myself to be, to be that person all day, every day. At that moment I stepped forward into the world, declared my presence, and was accepted as a woman. It was a bold, public event. In contrast, SRS is a private thing. For many, it affects only themselves. In my case it also affects Michele, hopefully for the benefit of us both. Going full time was "having your cake and eating it, too". SRS is the icing on the cake; an added benefit that makes everything else sweeter.

In actuality, Fred will always be with me. Fred is my past. Nicole is my present and future. While I don't want to return to that past, neither do I want to deny it. Fred will never die, but I think it's his turn to live in the closet.