Wd3

Work day 3 ended up feeling more like day 1 than day 2. Sitting is my most uncomfortable position and computer work doesn't afford much opportunity for moving around or changing position. It seems that I'm going to have to add scheduled walks, stretches, etc into my work routine.

In dilation news I'm transitioning from dilator #2 to dilator #3 (neither of these have acquired names yet). #3 ("Trey"?) is really tight and I can't insert it yet without easing the way with #2 ("Deuce Coupe"?). I suppose it'll get easier with time but right now I don't see how it will ever be possible to use Big Max (#4). Luckily, as a lesbian, all I need is room for two fingers and Trey looks like he'll give me that.

Back to Work

Yesterday was a big day. It was my first day back to work since my surgery. Up at 6AM to dilate, out the door shortly after 8. I knew I was feeling well enough to go back to the office but I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to last the entire day. By 1:30 I was finding it uncomfortable to sit. I’d brought my donut to work, but it can only do so much. I gutted through it by getting up more frequently and by surreptitiously massaging my abdomen while at my desk. I really wanted to last for a 3-4:30 meeting. I made it through and then immediately headed home; time to dilate again! With the return to work I can now only get in three dilations a day. Luckily, my vagina didn’t tragically collapse or anything, but it did feel a bit tighter than usual. I survived work day one, but was pretty wiped out by bed time.

Today is day two. Sitting wasn’t as uncomfortable but I did have to attend two meetings so I wasn’t constantly sitting in the same chair, in the same position, in front of my computer. Tomorrow is a “regular” work day without meetings. It will be interesting to see if my comfort level is more like today or Monday.

Arousal

Wow. I just had my first post-op arousal experience. I was checking myself out in the mirror after arriving home from the beauty salon and it was like Wham! I want it now! Unfortunately, I don’t yet know how to masturbate so this did not end in my first female orgasm. Still, it's very nice to know that "the hills are alive" and everything is starting to work.

Pee & Poop

Is everything I write about pee and poop? Sometimes it feels that way. At least, it must feel that way to some of you. One of my good friends recently wrote to me saying that she's been reading my blog and that she now knows much more about me than she ever thought she'd know. When I asked about what she's learned she said in part "The most I learn about how to pee, how to pass a poop after surgery." Wow, what a laugh! I think it illustrates how we take regular bodily functions for granted until they're no longer regular. When you have bronchitis and it becomes painful to inhale you're reminded of something you do about 10 times a minutes that you give little thought to. It's the same way with pee and poop. Actually, you probably do pay attention to these since they require you to stop what you're doing and go somewhere special to take care of them. When there's an obvious change in the routine you probably do notice. Everything involved with surgery has an impact on pee and poop, everything from the bowel prep to the anesthesia to the post-op meds to the diet. Pee and poop; I'll try not to mention them again, but I won't make any promises. Shit, I could have a brain fart ;-)

James Brown ain't got nothing on me!

I feel good! I pretty much knew that I would but I didn't know it would be now!

It's 22 days since the surgery and I never expected to be feeling so good so soon. The bruising is basically gone and so is most of the tenderness. Sitting is still uncomfortable on harder chairs but I’m needing the donut less and less. I still bring it with me most places I go but I no longer need it as much. My stamina seems nearly normal and I no longer feel the need for naps. I’ve started exercising again. It will only be twice this week, but I never expected to be doing even this much this soon. The remarkable thing is that I don’t feel like I’m pushing myself, too much too fast. I’m listening to my body and my body is saying that it’s all good, go for it. I’m not even thinking about rock climbing yet. That’s at least two weeks off.

I’m back to work on Monday. My aim is for full time but I will listen to my body and act accordingly. If I need to leave in the afternoon, so be it.

I also feel good mentally and emotionally. I feel so good about myself. I feel genuine. I feel whole.

I feel good!

Work(out) and Play

Today I went to the pool with Michele. I still can’t use a pool or hot tub for about two weeks but I was interested in their gym, specifically the recumbent bikes. I've been feeling pretty darn good and wanting to restart some mild exercise. However, sitting on a standard bicycle seat is likely not yet possible and I'm not ready to restart rock climbing. So, some leisurely pedaling on a recumbent bike seemed like a good alternative. I felt a little bit of discomfort at the sides of the groin but nothing from the “special” areas. My leisurely ride, however, turned into a pretty rigorous workout. With everything feeling so go I couldn’t help but pick up the pace. At first I had some difficulty figuring out the controls on the machine and ended up aborting the first two workout routines. I did end up doing a 20 minute ride at moderate intensity. My legs were slightly sore afterwards but it soon went away.

I recently wrote that dilation is not sexually stimulating and that is definitely the case. However, last night as I was lying there with my hands in my crotch holding the stent in place I began to start rubbing various areas to note the sensation. There are many areas with little or no feeling but many areas are quite alive. My clitoris has feeling, but so far no “electricity”. In contrast, my labia are quite sensate and stroking them felt mighty nice. The area that used to be the base of the scrotum also feels really good. The vagina area itself is still sleeping. I imagine this is all pretty typical at this point. I’m really looking forward to what the future should hold.

Rapunzel

My last blog was made possible by Rapunzel. Rapunzel is Bernice and Bernice is a Meltzer graduate. Bernice contacted me after finding my blog and pointed me to hers. I've enjoyed reading about her experience and in reading through her blog I picked up a few tips about dilation. The first tip was that it's possible to relax the PC muscle by first contracting it for a bit before inserting the dilator. I also learned from her that if you are having trouble moving up to the next size dilator that you can first insert the smaller dilator, get all relaxed with that for a few minutes, and then switch to the next larger size. It was this trick that got me from Junior to Mr T. Thank you Bernice. I'm still not having an easy time with Mr T; insertion is still difficult and it's very uncomfortable for a few minutes. Thankfully, that feeling passes fairly quickly.

By no means is dilation an enjoyable experience, but it's absolutely essential to maintaining (and increasing) the width of the vagina. After the pain and expense of getting a vagina I'm not about to let it slam shut. As they say "No pain, no gain".

Moving Up

After talking with Junior for 11 days I decided to introduce myself to Mr T. As it turns out Mr T was too rough on me and Junior had to act as a go between. What? You have no idea what I’m talking about? Dilation of course! When I was first given my stent set I immediately named the largest one “Big Max”. Michele later dubbed #1 as “Junior”. The second stent is labeled “2T”. The “T” stands for “tapered” (not transgendered), so I’ve begun calling it “Mr T”. My euphemism for dilating is “talking to Junior”. So, as I was saying, after 11 days using #1 it was pretty much time to try moving up to 2T. As it turned out, I had difficulty getting it in. So, I first inserted Junior for a few minutes and then attempted the switch to Mr T. Success, but painful. Mr T is definitely stretching things more than Junior. Progress.

Life’s Little Mistakes

My daughter turns 9 in just over a month. Last night while I was giving her a bath I realized that we had done a disservice to her. As we were raising her older brother we always called his penis a penis. In contrast, I never spoke of her vagina. Instead we always said that “Boys have penises and girls don’t” but never referred to her parts as anything other than “her bottom”. Well, last night she asked me to name body parts and then she would point them out on her body. After asking about her cheeks and joking about those on her face and those on her butt I asked about her vagina. I only got a blank stare in return. So, it was time to educate. I told her that in the fold between her legs are two openings; the one in the front is what she pees from and is called the urethra and the opening about an inch back is called the vagina. I went on to say that the vagina connects to the uterus, the place that a baby develops. She knew that I was going to Arizona for surgery that would “change my penis into something that looks more appropriate for a woman” but, again, I never named parts. I see now that this was probably a mistake.

Healing: My operation site seems to be healing well. One “advantage” of wearing a sanitary napkin is that I can see where any discharge is coming from. At this point I don’t have much discharge, but what there is mostly comes from the area of my clitoris. I’ve gotten out a magnifying mirror and taken a good look at the area. It seems that where the clitoris meets the surrounding skin there are at least three small gaps or breaks in the skin. It’s a little alarming. I hope that this is normal at this stage!

More Healing: I’ve also noticed that everything is less tender now. The pain in the side of my groin is mostly gone and most of the other tender spots are getting better. I can now easily lift my legs for soaping and drying, but climbing stairs is still somewhat hard. I’m definitely getting an increased confidence from not having a bulge between my legs or parts that don’t belong. I feel more genuine.

Update: This & That

Pooping: It was well more than a week after surgery before pooping seemed to be a normal function again. Before that it was coming so infrequently that each one was like a religious experience; I think my moans of relief must have sounded orgasmic. The thing I've noticed is that my whole "poop cycle" has changed. It used to be that I'd sit to poop and first I’d pee a little, then I’d poop, and then I’d pee a little more. This final pee was the signal that I was done. Now, I poop some, pee some, and then have to poop some more. I never quite feel like I’m done pooping. I don’t understand why all this would have changed since the surgery doesn’t touch the bladder or bowel. Could shortening the urethra be the root cause?

Minor Milestones: Yesterday I finished my Arnica Montana and took my last antibiotic pill. I’m supposed to continue the acidophilus for 2 weeks after the antibiotic. I must admit that my bruising has been rather mild. However, I’m not ready to attribute it to the Arnica.

Swelling: After the packing came out I remember thinking that my mons looked like a mountain. Now, much of the swelling is gone and my mons is now more like a small hillock. My labia are still quite swollen and look like clown’s lips.

General Wellbeing: I’m feeling pretty good, however, I tire easily. By 8:30PM or so I’m feeling pretty wiped out. A few times a day I feel the need to lie on my back and get the pressure off of my abdomen. My life is controlled by my dilation schedule. The reduction to 3 times a day will make a huge difference and is a prerequisite for going back to work full time.

Counter Height: I've discovered that my kitchen counters, as well as my dresser, are just the right height to intersect my abdomen at its most tender point. Ouch!

Some Details

The flight home was uneventful but the early morning start, all the sitting, and the general tension wore me out. The night before I probably only slept 1 hour but on the plane I never felt tired. I guess I was running on adrenaline. I lost most of it on the ride home from the airport. I finally closed my eyes but I never fell asleep. On the 4.5-hour flight I had to pee about 3 times. There were two bathrooms but only one gave warm water from the tap for squirting off after peeing. I got the other bathroom twice. I was cool on the plane and sat with a blanket draped across me. This gave me an opportunity to massage my abdomen without drawing looks.

Carrying my donut got me lots of sympathetic looks from the women and fearful looks from the men.

I hate douching and can't wait until it's no longer a daily event.

I hate spritzing to clean after peeing and can't wait until it's no longer a daily event.

Dilation gets easier each time. Still, when the dilator first starts to part the PC muscle my toes start to curl and I start to tense up. I have to consciously tell myself to relax. Relax!

My perineum is always sore.

Feminine protective pads are uncomfortable. They must be designed by men. I need something narrow or hourglass shaped. Not easy to find. From a comfort standpoint thinner is better but thinner is less protective. Even with Michele's help ("Welcome to my world") it's been mostly trial and error.

Phantom Pain: No real pain, but I've written about a pressure that feels just like when I used to tuck. I can't really localize it anywhere so I guess it qualifies as phantom pain.

Phantom Behavior: I find myself often reaching between my legs when I sit down to pee. It took me a bit to realize that this is a leftover action of putting my penis down into place to pee.

Bare Bones Catch Up

The last few days have been busy and I've been too tired to blog.

Saturday was travel day. It was physically grueling: up at 4AM to dilate and get ready. Check out at 6AM. Drive to airport to drop off rental car. Shuttle to the airport. Got there 1.5 hours early so we found some coffee and then just hung out until boarding at 8:40. Takeoff at 9:10, arrive at 4:30PM EDT. Get bag from baggage claim. Hookup with limo driver. Arrive home around 6PM. Dilate. Dinner. Hang out. Dilate. Collapse into bed and fall asleep. At each aiport Michele arranged a wheelchair for me. At PHX the "driver" was really nice, the terminal quiet, and the trip was smooth. At IRD the terminal was packed and the driver seemed to think that everyone should watch out for him. At least half a dozen times I was sure I'd end up with someone in my lap. It was terrifying.

Sunday: Up around 9, dilate. Breakfast. Shower, douche. Hang out. 1PM, dilate. Mani-pedi appointment at 3PM. Come home, dilate. Go to parents' house for dinner; instead of a quiet visit and dinner I was surprised to find my son there watching the Giants-Arizona football game with my Dad; then informed my daughter and ex would be over later for dinner. It was great to see the kids but we didn't get home until after 8:30; I was dead tired. Hang out. Dilate. Go to bed.

Monday: Up around 9:30, dilate. Breakfast. Shower, douche. Dive into my work email, start responding. Lunch. Dilate. More email then a 1.5 hour conference call. Hang out. Pick up daughter. Dinner. Dilate. Catch up on personal email, lay out on recliner with massage pad. More email. Put daughter to bed. Blog.

Things I’ve Forgotten to Remember (or Mention)

First Meal: I remember lying pretty flat on my back and Michele feeding me chicken noodle soup. I was so flat I remember it being very hard to chew and swallow without choking. The soup was pretty good; I had it frequently while I was there. However, avoid the lunch chicken sandwich; it’s pasty dry.

First Night: I remember breathing so shallow that the oxygen monitor kept sounding. I’d take a few deeper breaths and it would go quiet. I remember waking up frequently with a terribly dry mouth and throat and it being very hard to drink and swallow without choking. I can’t remember if I needed Michele’s assistance each time.

Third Day: Looking forward to getting out of bed. After two straight days in bed my butt was really sore; I couldn’t wait to get up and get the pressure off of it. It remained red and sore for many days and I couldn’t help but rub it whenever I was up and walking about. I must have been quite a sight.

First week: My blood pressure being below 100. I’m sure it was like 85 over 50 or lower; cracking 100 became a big event. By the time I was discharged it was back up to around 125 over 75.

First Pee: It was beginner’s luck; I haven’t had such a nice stream since. Now, whenever I pee much of it tends to run down off my thighs and buttocks. Curious thing: I can’t feel myself peeing at all. Without looking I only know I’m peeing by the sound and the easing bladder pressure. I guess most of the sensation before was in the penis. I wonder if there will be a change in this as the swelling decreases?

Freedom from Tucking: I had been planning to post something like “Vaginoplasty, $17900; Incidentals, (untallied); Never having to tuck, Priceless!” It’s actually true, but at the moment the pressure at the front of my groin feels almost identical to what it felt like to tuck. I can only assume this will lessen as the swelling goes away.

Harder on the Outside

It’s harder not being in the hospital! We packed up and left the Greenbaum about 2PM. On the way home we stopped off at the mall to buy Godiva chocolates for Meltzer’s office staff and deliver them to his office. We also bought an “Arizona” gift for my son, an Arizona Diamondbacks shirt. Back at the resort we bought a pink Scottsdale shirt for my daughter and a pair of turquoise earrings. Later we went out to fill my prescription for a sleep aid, get dinner, and pick up a few needed drugstore items. We got back to the apartment around 9PM and I basically killed time until my 11PM dilation. By the time I was done with that my personal gas gauge was empty and I was running on fumes. It took all of my dwindling energy and concentration to get cleaned up and into bed. I tried to sleep without the Ambien but 15 or so minutes later I gave up and crawled out of bed for sleep relief. Ah sweet sleep!

It’s all about the abdominals. The abdominal muscles support almost everything we do and it’s the abdominal area that received the most “abuse” during the surgery. Both standing and sitting put pressure on this area and on my swollen vaginal area. Laying down is the most comfortable position and gentle abdominal massage is wonderful. Passing the entire day in bed would have been acceptable in the hospital but it can hardly be done on the outside.

Tomorrow, with our flight home, is going to be hard. I hope I don’t get too bitchy.

A funny aside: the tops we bought the other day for wearing home are probably maternity tops. Michele mentioned that at the time we bought them. I don’t see a problem with this as I did just give birth to a bouncing baby vagina. Between the top and the way I’m waddling about I probably look just like a postpartum woman.

Moving Out

This is my last day at the Greenbaum and I’m almost ready to head out. There’s still a bit of packing to do but it’s almost time to go. I’ve got my final med orders and I have my “legal letter”, the one that states that I’ve has SRS in accordance with the Benjamin standards. I need to send copies to MVA, medical insurance, etc.

Last night was a bit rough. I needed to do a dilation around midnight or 1AM and another around 7AM. It was hard to figure out the first dilation: do I go to bed for 2-3 hours and then get up or just stay up? I decided to get some sleep first but it turned out that I couldn’t sleep and was still up at midnight. I was still awake at 1AM, itchy again and unable to sleep. Finally I asked for a sleep aid.

My shower this morning was my first without something hanging out of me. What a great feeling. Everything is still very swollen but I can get an idea of what it’s all going to look like and it all looks good. I’ve got many areas that are pretty much numb, including a 2”x4” area below my navel and above my mons. Just below that are two small dimples, evidence of the two internal sutures that hold the far end of the vagina.

It’s been a great adventure so far and I am so thankful to have Michele here with me, every step of the way.

Phantom Pain?

One of my friends asked me if I’ve experienced any phantom pain. The answer is basically no. I don’t feel anything from a missing penis. However, I do have a pain caused by my former male anatomy. Since a few days after surgery I’ve been complaining of a pain on the upper left side of my groin. My first fear was that we’d caused a hernia. I’ve had two on the right side and I can’t imagine how problematic it would be to get a hernia repair for an injury caused by “elective” surgery. I mentioned my pain to many people but I kept forgetting about it when Dr M was here. Bobby said she has a pain in the same place and Miranda said she has one on the other side. Nobody had a cause to offer. I finally mentioned it to Dr M tonight and he said that it’s usually caused by the remnants of the spermatic cord contracting back after surgery. I can’t wait for the pain to pass.

Milestones

I just passed another milestone: I had my Foley catheter removed. Nurse Janet, accompanied by Linda T, came by around 2PM. The catheter was out pretty quickly after that. First thing, they deflate a balloon that holds the catheter in. After that it’s a matter of gently drawing out the tube. The immediate sensation was of an intense urge to pee, accompanied by a burning sensation. Thankfully, the feeling was short-lived and everything else went smoothly. I had my first pee about 40 minutes later. I immediately reported this to the duty nurse as instructed. I also need to tell them about pee #2. I’ve heard all sorts of stories about the first pees spraying everywhere. This didn’t happen for me. I had a pretty good stream with just a little bit of dripping further back. I’m instructed to clean up using a squirt bottle. So, there are no more tethers tying this girl down.

4:25 Update: I just accomplished pee #2. Woo Hoo! I feel like such a big girl; I went potty!

Dilation #13

It’s hard to keep track, but I think I just did #13. Lucky number 13. Truly a queer feeling. Just now, inserting the dilator felt like depressing a plunger; the further I inserted Junior the more internal and back pressure I felt. I never got the stent inserted as far as usual and the overall feeling was “get this thing out of me!” I went the full 15 minutes, but not a minute extra.

Complications!

I’m scheduled to leave tomorrow but I have my first complication today. I woke up this morning to find a rash on the side and back of my pelvis with a spreading up my back and down my legs. At 8AM the nurse said it was likely a reaction to the Celebrex and she’d get something for me. She told me shortly after that she did not have an order for Benadryl but would get right on it. It was not until after 9:30, and Michele calling Dr M’s office directly, that I finally got the Benadryl and some topical hydrocotisone. Now, I’m trying to be calm and quiet and let everything resolve. I hope that this won’t set anything else back!

A Successful Outing

Today I ventured out of the hospital for the second time. I’m glad to be able to report that I had a much better time this time. Michele and I made our break around 11AM. Our destination was the timeshare but along the way we stopped at Walmart Super Center. I wanted to find something comfortable to wear while traveling home. Earlier in the week Michele bought me some knit shorts, not too tight. I decided to try to find a tunic or long shirt that would go with. We were successful, finding a sleeveless top that comes down to the thighs. I liked it so much (at $7) that I bought two, one in pink and one in blue. We also bought some fruit (hoping it will get me regular) and I couldn’t pass up a warm, soft pretzel as a snack. We then headed to the timeshare where all I wanted to do was snuggle in bed with Michele (not possible on a hospital bed!) Later we headed off to lunch at Carlos O’Brien where we got the same table as last week. I had the shredded chicken taco salad. I love their chicken! Does anyone know the story with the Irish Mexican thing? After lunch it was back home for dilation and relaxation. My first “dilation on the road” was a success. We got back to the hospital around 4PM. I was quite tired but please with how everything went.

We haven’t made plans for tomorrow. I get my Foley catheter out and I think I need to stay near a toilet afterwards.

Dilations 2, 3, 4, 5 and Douching #1

5PM, 9PM, 2AM, and 7AM. Dilation #2 at 9PM was my first solo. Remember everything I was told: “Keep your hands down, weight on your back foot, let the clutch out slowly.” I may be a little bit confused. Actually, the three most important things are relax, relax, relax; when you feel resistance, relax some more. For this reason, the 2AM dilation was the best of the bunch. Although I had to be woken up for it, I was very relaxed. What’s dilation like? Hard to compare it to anything else I’m familiar with. I can say that it leaves me with a dull ache in the center of my being. A warm, moist washcloth, or a warm water bottle after dilation helps everything to relax. Yes, relaxing is the key for me!

Part of the dilation process has you smearing Surgilube onto the stent (we’re calling stent #1 “Junior”). Instead of wiping the lube from my finger to a paper towel I’ve started applying this extra to my vagina. What an interesting feeling. So far the inside of my vagina doesn’t have much feeling, but to my finger it feels nice and soft, just like a vagina should. Somewhat gross is the fact that my finger always comes out with some “gunk” (use your imagination). For that reason I’d been looking forward to my first douching, hoping it would flush out the gunk. I guess it helped, but not as much right away as I had hoped. I guess I need to be content with a little improvement everyday. How did the douching feel? It also left me sore.

The View from My Window

The Greenbaum is a pretty nice place, clean, bright, and pretty quiet. However, there’s not a heck of a lot to do in my hospital room. If I’m not resting in bed then I’m probably sitting in a chair near the window taking in the view. Although there are beautiful mountains on the horizon my view is dominated by the roof. Beyond the roof, right in the middle, is the sign welcoming you to Old Scottsdale. Nearby, to the left is the EZ Tattoo. To the right is the Scottsdale Pawn Shop. There are three building cranes but I don’t recall seeing any in use. Maybe they’ve been on Labor Day break all week.

My room is incredibly quiet. The only exception has been the frequent growl of souped up cars or the like. I couldn’t figure out why these were so frequent until it was pointed out to me that there is a biker bar across the street, just to the left of the Old Scottsdale sign.

If you are coming for a stay at the Greenbaum consider asking for room 1 or 2. These are on the other side of the floor and have a slightly more picturesque view. At the very least, avoiding rooms 12, 14, 15, 16, 17, and 18 should limit the noise from the bar.

Dilation #1

Dr. M and Linda T arrived around 12:30 to remove my sutures and packing. Removing the stitches at the top was OK but towards the bottom it pinched or pulled quite a bit and was a bit painful. The packing came out with little fanfair or sensation, just a little pulling feeling. A new thing that Dr M is doing is to first soak the packing in saline and peroxide to soften it. I felt a little bit of bubbling from the peroxide but nothing much else. After removing the packing it was time for my first dilation, stent #1. After slathering it with Surgilube, in it went with little resistance or sensation. Dr M held it in for just a bit and then withdrew it. Now it was my turn! I seemed to get it just right the first time and it slid home pretty easily. 20 minutes later and dilation #1 was done. I hope that my first solo goes as well.

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday Michele and I ventured out for lunch, my first time out of the hospital. In my opinion it was a disaster. I was completely uncomfortable, emotionally and physically, and it completely wiped me out. In many ways I feel like I failed a test. This whole thing has turned out to be physically more demanding than I expected. I figured that I’m in really good shape from my bike riding and rock climbing and I’d have a decent time of it. Turns out no. So, I think this has brought me down emotionally.

Last night I slept very poorly. It hardly ever felt like I was truly asleep. And when I did sleep I kept having bizarre dreams. I should have asked for a sleep aid.

Today is a big day. Today my sutures and packing come out and I start my dilation. Check out those stents! They come in a very nice terry cloth pouch with a separate compartment for each stent. I like the way they kinda glow from the camera flash. The one the right I call “Big Max”. I’m not sure that will ever go into me!

Every day, a new adventure. I wonder when it will all feel like me.

Viewpoints

On the news today they talked about the terrible high humidity; 43%. We'd give almost anything for only 43% humidity during a Washington summer!

Not Ready for Out

We decided yesterday that today would be the day we get out of the hospital. Our goal and destination would be Oregano's Pizza Bistro for lunch, literally just across the street. When the time came I was not feeling up for it. Michele helped me into the dress we bought here, no bra because she forgot that. No jewelry or purse either. I hobbled to the elevator. No sunglasses. When we got there we were told it would be a 30 minute wait, outside. Hot, no sunglasses, feeling very conspicuous with my hospital wristbands and bright blue donut, very uncomfortable. After 10 or 15 minutes they take us to a table inside, raised café chairs at a café table. There’s no way in hell I’m getting up into those chairs! Back outside to an outside table, under umbrellas, in a mist, in front of the swamp cooler. Noisy, and my bottom and I are soon not on speaking terms. The food was good but all I could think about was getting back to my nice, cool, quiet room. Nap time!

A Load Off My Mind

If you had 2:20PM in the pool, Congratulations, you are a winner! The feeling to poop came on so fast that I was practically half way to the bathroom before Michele noticed I was still connected to the foley bag. Good catch, that might have hurt! I was afraid that pooping might hurt but it really didn’t. At the end I was rewarded with the feeling that I needed to pee; first time for that. Up until now it’s merely been a mechanical thing, “oh, it’s been an hour, time to pee.” Cleaning myself up after pooping is not yet second nature. I was afraid to wipe in the wrong place and mess up my stitches. I did my best and then rinsed off the area in the shower with the detachable spray head. When I was done I took a “Victory Lap” around the floor. The nurses just told me that 15 laps is a mile. The most I’ve done at one time is 2 laps.

The Bowel Watch

Want to join a pool? Just take a guess for when I’ll have my first bowel movement! I had my last bowel movement on Tuesday morning before surgery. Since then I’ve eaten at least 10 meals, but there’s nothing doing down below. I’m not in any discomfort but I recognize that I’ve GOT to poop some time soon or it will become a problem. I had some prune juice before lunch. Maybe that will do the trick.

It’s better sitting with the donut than without but it’s still not very good with the donut.

I have little energy.

I’m bored!

Friday Wrapup

It felt so good yesterday to be able to get up and move around as much as I wanted. Standing is the only position that takes all the pressure off of my bottom and my back. I did a lot of standing and walking. I guess it caught up with me later; I crawled into bed around 1PM. The next thing I knew it was almost 5:30.

For a change we ordered in Chinese food. It was good to have something other than hospital food but it didn’t sit really well with me. I basically ate it because I know that I need to eat.

By 8PM I was feeling chilled and climbed back into bed and covered up with 3 blankets. It turns out that I had a low grade fever, 99.3.

In the middle of the night I woke up from a bizarre dream and knocked my cup of water onto myself. The nursing staff had me fixed up right away.

I am so thankful to have Michele here with me. I know it has to be hard for her to just sit here while I nap, etc. I’ve gone around and met all the other girls who are here. Basically I’m the only one who has someone here with them. The nursing staff is great but it’s nice to have someone special who can help me with everything.

More Like Human

It’s been a good day so far. Early this morning I got my last dose of IV antibiotic. When it was done my IV was removed. Yeah! Then just before breakfast my drains were removed. It was a very queer feeling, but not really painful. All I have left now is the foley catheter. Also yeah! I’m free to cap it off and go roaming. It felt wonderful to stand up and get all the pressure off of my bottom. I took a shower and got almost all of the tangles out of my hair.

Although the food is pretty good it is the same menu for each meal each day. I don’t think I’m ready for an outing but we may order something in.

Queer Feelings

So far everything “down below” is pretty much without feeling. However, there’s definitely some sort of queer feelings from my bladder. Today, after two days on a catheter I began “bladder training”. This involves unplugging the collection bag and capping off the drain on my side.. That’s really no big deal. However, releasing things causes some sort of a vacuum in the bladder. It’s a feeling I can’t really describe.

I’ve been up walking 4 times today and I had a short visit with Marlee (she leaves tomorrow) and Miranda. Miranda and I are sort of “vagina mates” since we both had our surgery on the same day. She’s at the far end of the hall. The walk there was OK but I soon found that I wasn’t feeling very social.

The Land of the Living

I guess today is Thursday. I remember Monday; Monday was bowel prep day. Tuesday; I remember getting up, showering and heading to the surgery center. I remember being surprised at how many people were there at 5:30 for procedures. After doing some paperwork I was brought back for blood pressure, etc. I was then put into bed and Michele was allowed to come and stay with me. I think they carted me off right around 7:30. Once I was given the versed I was gone. The rest of Tuesday was pretty much a blur. Yesterday, Wednesday, I was confined to bed all day. My back and rear end started really bothering me. All I could do is wait it out until today when I was allowed to get up. What a treat! Of course, now other things are bothersome. Taking a shower was wonderful.

What about the experience so far? It’s actually true that there’s not much pain, There’s definitely pressure down there and I’ve been finding it hard to ignore a feeling of needing to pee, That’s all taken care of by the catheter. My main problems have been my back and my sit area and my hands being swollen and tiingly. Dr M says this is due to the 5 liters of fluids they put into me during the surgery. Apparently I had gotten dehydrated from the bowel prep.

The food’s not bad for hospital food and all of the staff have been wonderful.

I’ve taken two walks down to the nurse’s station.

I’ll be ready for a nap pretty soon.