Mixed Mind and Magical Moments
We leave for AZ on Saturday and the surgery is less than one week away. I'm moving forward with mixed feelings. On the one hand I hate the idea of more surgery now. On the other hand I can't wait to be done with all of this. I feel like an unfinished project and know that I need to get this behind me now. In other words, I'm nervous but I can't wait.
There really is no one specific time at which transition ends but many view SRS as this magical moment, the moment at which their whole life will change for the better. True, surgery was very important to me, and this next surgery is also important, but the real magic happened when I went full time. Going full allowed me to finally live life as I know I must, as the woman I know myself to be. It was a life changing event, a very public event which affected both my self and those around me. Surgery is a private event, done out of view. Personally, I've had the confidence to transition without really changing anything else in my life but the presence of that penis haunted me in bathrooms and locker rooms and worried me about what might happen in an emergency situation. SRS has given me the increased confidence to go anywhere and do anything I desire without fear of "detection".
None of these positive effects are possible without doing the work to set it up. Most of us suffer from some sort of social malady due to our gender dysphoria. If you are poorly socialized before surgery you will likely still be poorly socialized after surgery unless you do something to understand your situation and make a positive change. Surgery is no magic bullet. Years of counseling helped get me to where I am today.
Before closing this I must mention the other magical moment in my life: when I met Michele and fell in love. I was committed to transition and surgery before I met Michele but she has been my companion on this part of my journey and has given it special meaning. All along she has been more accepting of my physical status than I, letting me know that I didn't need to do anything out of concern for her acceptance, and accepting my decisions. I would have managed to get through all of this without her but it has been so much better with her.
There really is no one specific time at which transition ends but many view SRS as this magical moment, the moment at which their whole life will change for the better. True, surgery was very important to me, and this next surgery is also important, but the real magic happened when I went full time. Going full allowed me to finally live life as I know I must, as the woman I know myself to be. It was a life changing event, a very public event which affected both my self and those around me. Surgery is a private event, done out of view. Personally, I've had the confidence to transition without really changing anything else in my life but the presence of that penis haunted me in bathrooms and locker rooms and worried me about what might happen in an emergency situation. SRS has given me the increased confidence to go anywhere and do anything I desire without fear of "detection".
None of these positive effects are possible without doing the work to set it up. Most of us suffer from some sort of social malady due to our gender dysphoria. If you are poorly socialized before surgery you will likely still be poorly socialized after surgery unless you do something to understand your situation and make a positive change. Surgery is no magic bullet. Years of counseling helped get me to where I am today.
Before closing this I must mention the other magical moment in my life: when I met Michele and fell in love. I was committed to transition and surgery before I met Michele but she has been my companion on this part of my journey and has given it special meaning. All along she has been more accepting of my physical status than I, letting me know that I didn't need to do anything out of concern for her acceptance, and accepting my decisions. I would have managed to get through all of this without her but it has been so much better with her.
posted by Nicole Thomas at
1:14 AM
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