Blogging on a Comment: Vaginas, Sexuality, and Transsexuality
My last post, PC Muscles Explained, elicited comments from Anonymous. We got off to a poor start based on misunderstanding. Instead of responding at length in another comment I’m going to respond here.
Sex, Gender, and Sexuality
These are three independent variables of a person’s personality. If you can imagine a combination, it’s sure to exist. They are not even sure to be stable over time. Gender and sexuality are actually far more fluid than most people are comfortable to admit.
Vagina: to have or to have not.
I’ve heard it said “Why would you want a vagina if you don’t intend to have intercourse with men?” Wanting intercourse is one possible reason for wanting a vagina but there are many other possible reasons for a male-to-female transsexual to want a vagina. One of the most important to me had to do with body image. For me it was just wrong to have a penis. While I’ve never hated my penis once I realized that I was transsexual I knew that I wanted a vagina. Note that at this point I had not yet figured out my sexuality. Once I realized that I was lesbian I was quite troubled by being a lesbian with a penis. What’s wrong with this picture? Oh, the penis! So, for me I needed to have a vagina because I knew it was right for me. Oh yes, I want to be penetrated, but not by a guy’s dick.
Sexuality
Transsexuals are a diverse lot. I will go out on a limb and say that most MtF’s probably started as “heterosexual”, at least, they were trying to live the life that’s expected of a male in US society. After transition and surgery all bets are off. Unfortunately, there are no good statistics on this. For me, from the first moment I left the house dressed (age 38!) I knew I wanted to experience being out on a date with a guy. There are a large number of guys out there who seem to have a thing about MtF’s so it wasn’t terribly hard to find date. I quickly found that I wasn’t actually turned on by these guys but that I was turned on by their attention to me. This left me wondering if the problem was with these particular guys or with guys in general. My first date with a woman answered this question for good. Wow, zing! I never experienced a spark with the guys. It’s not a requirement that a TS know their ultimate sexuality before starting transition or before surgery. We’re all free to change our minds…and then change them back…repeatedly. It should be nobody’s business but their own.
The art of vaginal maintenance
I suppose it’s possible to just have a penectomy and not to have a vagina constructed but it’s not something you generally hear about. So, it’s pretty much a given that regardless of your sexuality, or your desire or expectation to ever have intercourse, a post-op transsexual is going to have a vagina to maintain. This maintenance consists of dilation, initially 4 times a day, eventually tapering off to once a day or less, but possibly lasting forever. It’s a big responsibility, but after all the time, pain, and expense it’s hard to believe that someone would stop dilating and let their vagina close up. Hard to believe, but true. I can’t begin to guess why.
Sex, Gender, and Sexuality
These are three independent variables of a person’s personality. If you can imagine a combination, it’s sure to exist. They are not even sure to be stable over time. Gender and sexuality are actually far more fluid than most people are comfortable to admit.
Vagina: to have or to have not.
I’ve heard it said “Why would you want a vagina if you don’t intend to have intercourse with men?” Wanting intercourse is one possible reason for wanting a vagina but there are many other possible reasons for a male-to-female transsexual to want a vagina. One of the most important to me had to do with body image. For me it was just wrong to have a penis. While I’ve never hated my penis once I realized that I was transsexual I knew that I wanted a vagina. Note that at this point I had not yet figured out my sexuality. Once I realized that I was lesbian I was quite troubled by being a lesbian with a penis. What’s wrong with this picture? Oh, the penis! So, for me I needed to have a vagina because I knew it was right for me. Oh yes, I want to be penetrated, but not by a guy’s dick.
Sexuality
Transsexuals are a diverse lot. I will go out on a limb and say that most MtF’s probably started as “heterosexual”, at least, they were trying to live the life that’s expected of a male in US society. After transition and surgery all bets are off. Unfortunately, there are no good statistics on this. For me, from the first moment I left the house dressed (age 38!) I knew I wanted to experience being out on a date with a guy. There are a large number of guys out there who seem to have a thing about MtF’s so it wasn’t terribly hard to find date. I quickly found that I wasn’t actually turned on by these guys but that I was turned on by their attention to me. This left me wondering if the problem was with these particular guys or with guys in general. My first date with a woman answered this question for good. Wow, zing! I never experienced a spark with the guys. It’s not a requirement that a TS know their ultimate sexuality before starting transition or before surgery. We’re all free to change our minds…and then change them back…repeatedly. It should be nobody’s business but their own.
The art of vaginal maintenance
I suppose it’s possible to just have a penectomy and not to have a vagina constructed but it’s not something you generally hear about. So, it’s pretty much a given that regardless of your sexuality, or your desire or expectation to ever have intercourse, a post-op transsexual is going to have a vagina to maintain. This maintenance consists of dilation, initially 4 times a day, eventually tapering off to once a day or less, but possibly lasting forever. It’s a big responsibility, but after all the time, pain, and expense it’s hard to believe that someone would stop dilating and let their vagina close up. Hard to believe, but true. I can’t begin to guess why.
posted by Nicole Thomas at
6:42 PM
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