Year-end Review

Obviously it's been a very long time since I last posted anything to my blog. Basically, things have settled down to "normal" and I've moved on with life. I'm going to do a year-end wrap up and then post additional updates at some limited periods.

Tour de Cure
My American Diabetes Tour de Cure ride was a wonderful experience. I raised over $2100 and biked further than I had ever done (25 miles). I've since gotten really into biking, bought a new road bike and logged more than 900 miles since September. This year I'll be riding the 50 mile event. I'd really appreciate your financial support for this worthy cause. If you've received any value from reading my blog or website, please consider repaying this through a donation.

Urinary Tract Infections
I had three or four urinary tract infections during a three month period and went to see my urologist. When he examined me he told me that if he didn't know my history he never would had guessed that my vagina was not natural. Dr Meltzer is the best! Anyhow...he determined that I wasn't completely emptying my bladder and scheduled me for a cystoscopy (endoscopic examination of the urethra and bladder). This showed that my prostate was constricting my urethra, causing my lousy urine stream, the trouble emptying my bladder, and it's associated frequency of urination. I'm now taking a drug for benign prostatic enlargement that relaxed the muscles of the prostate. It's working pretty well. No more UTIs (knock on wood) and the frequent need for urination is greatly reduced. It's so ironic that I can have a prostate that's shriveled up to almost nothing and need to use a drug for BPH. I guess it's just a reminder that underneath it all my anatomy is still male.

Of Support Groups and Friendships
Back in the Spring I was elected to the governing board of my transgender support group. After 1.5 terms as membership director, 2 terms as president, and 2 terms as a civilian, I really had no interest in rejoining the board. However, I was flattered to be asked and was fairly easily talked into it. Not long after taking office I became increasingly appalled by the behavior of some of the other officers and subsequently quit in September, as did three other officers. As a result I no longer attend meetings and none of my friends talk to me anymore. This is quite unfortunate and unexpected. Maybe our friendships were more superficial than I thought. Maybe I didn't know them like I thought I did.

Friends and Their Surgeries
One friend had surgery with Dr Melter in July. Her surgery went well but subsequently she's been having lots of problems with blood clots, bleeding, poor healing, and depression. I know that she does not regret having the surgery but she certainly didn't expect any of the problems. Hopefully she'll be able to get her anti-clotting meds and hormones worked out and get to a state of increased peace.

Another friend was scheduled for surgery with Dr Meltzer in October but has postponed the surgery while she tries to refind her direction. Apparently, as the surgery got close she started rethinking her reasons for wanting surgery. Lately she's been on a new journey to find herself and define her needs. I wish her well.

Triathlon
Some of my family think that I've gone completely crazy because I've decided that I will do a triathlon in August. No, not like the Ironman Triathlons you may have seen on TV. This one is called the Iron Girl Triathlon and consists of a 1000m swim, 17.5 mile bike ride, and a 3.3 mile run. Why? Because I enjoy challenging myself, breaking out of doing only what's easy and expected. It's a continuation of what I found in myself when I was rock climbing. I've got the biking covered, and the running is coming along, but the swim will be the hard part. I discovered that I really don't swim well, and so, I have a trainer helping me to become a swimmer.

Life and Death
My father died on Friday December 8, 2006. He was 75 and had a heart attack either during or shortly following surgery to remove his cancerous bladder. His condition deteriorated over the course of about 3 days. He didn't want to be kept alive by machines and we had his respirator removed when it became obvious that death was near and certain. Making that decision was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I Left My Stent in San Francisco

Actually, it was Albany, New York, but that doesn't have the same cachet. Anyhow, I was in a hotel in Albany for my Tour de Cure ride and stashed my dilator and equipment in the night stand drawer after use and then forgot all about them. I didn't realize what I had done until I was home and was preparing for my next session. I suddenly hit me that I hadn't packed it. Oh the horror! Luckily, I was only traveling with #3 and could use the next smaller one. It took about 4 separate calls to the hotel before we were able to get them to look in the night stand for it. Apparently the night people don't talk to the day people and nobody is very good at talking with the cleaning staff. Thank goodness they finally got their act together, found the dilator, and sent it on its way back home.

Bike Training/Accident

My bike riding and training schedule has consisted of riding 10 miles a day, each weekday morning, indoors on a training stand. With the 25 mile Diabetes ride coming up I know I should get out and do at least one 20 mile ride. With this in mind I headed out a week ago last Saturday with Brooke and Andrea for a 20 mile ride on the Mount Vernon Trail. Unfortunately, we had to cut the ride short after the crash. Yes, the crash. We were on a part of the trail where a wooden path takes a curve through the woods and goes over a stream. It appears to stay in the shade all the time so the wood was damp. A guy was coming the other direction way too fast, lost the back of his bike, and went sliding right into Brooke's path. She hit him straight on and went over the handlebars and into the railing, almost falling over into the stream. She ended up with a nasty cut right next to her right eye. When I saw what was happening I hit the brakes so hard that I also lost the rear of my bike and went down on my left knee (it's scraped and bruised but otherwise OK). We turned around and headed to a bike shop for a bandaid and then back home. We convinced Brooke that she needed more than a few butterfly bandages so she went off to the emergency room, refusing to allow anyone to go with her. Four hours later she was back, sporting 7 stitches and ugly bruising, but otherwise in good spirits. We're going to try another ride this weekend.

Last weekend I rode in a small, local event called "Joe's Ride". It's named in memory of a little boy that died of brain cancer. All proceeds go to supporting various childhood disease and care groups. I had decided to do this ride before I decided to do the Tour de Cure and signed up for their 10 kilometer ride. Their only other distance is a 45K ride, more than I want to do, especially at my current level of training. The ride was pretty uneventful and not very challenging. However, we were forced to ride single file on sidewalks and trails meaning that your pace was dictated by the person in front of you. With many children and casual riders involved I was forced to do much of the ride at a pace slower than my liking. There were a few places where I did pass some in front of me and I finished the ride in the front group of 6. While I would have preferred something like a 20k the ride did give me some experience with riding in groups and with the whole cycling event thing.

The Dreaded UTI

On April 21 I had routine bloodwork and urinalysis done for an upcoming checkup. The following Wednesday I was contacted by my doctor's office telling me I had a urinary tract infection and that they were calling in a prescription for me. I had noticed on Monday or Tuesday a burning sensation just as I would finish peeing. The idea of UTI did flash through my brain so the call on Wednesday made sense. After 10 days on Augmentin (plus a weekend) I went back for another urinalysis. Several days later I was told I had another UTI, this time Pseudomonas, not the Klebsiella from the first one. This time I have had not any typical UTI symptoms and question that I actually have an infection. Since I rarely form a really good urine stream I'm probably not getting a good midstream clean capture. More than likely some of the urine had run off my leg before ending up in the cup. Thus, my "infection" could be due to culture of bacteria that are external contaminants. If I don't come up clean after this round of antibiotics I may have to insist on catheter capture of the urine sample. Goodness knows it's not healthy to be on antibiotics long term.

Diabetes Tour de Cure

Back in 2003 when I "quit" rock climbing I went looking for a new outlet for my athletic energies. I tried ice skating but the torn ligament in my thumb and the scar on my head convinced me that this was not a safe activity for me. I finally found my way to bike riding. Up until now I've done all of my riding on a trainer stand in my basement, in front of the television. I am now determined to get out on the road and start participating in a few rides. My first ride will be a little, local event called "Joe's Ride", a 10k to benefit a local cancer fund. After that I have my sights set on the American Diabetes Association Tour de Cure ride. I will be joining my cousin's team and riding with the Delmar Chain Gang in Stillwater, NY on Sunday June 11. This ride has special meaning for me since both of my parents, and several other relatives, are diabetic and I am likely prediabetic. Perhaps you'd be willing to sponsor me. If so, please go to my personal tour web page. Your support will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks, Nicole

More information on the American Diabetes Association, its programs and diabetes in general can be found at the Association's Web site: www.diabetes.org

For more information on Tour de Cure, please visit www.diabetes.org/tour.

Click here to view the team page for Delmar Chain Gang

Bra Shopping

Saturday April 15: Bra Day!

I decided to do without a "professional" bra fitting, figuring that I know pretty well what I need. With the variation between brands and styles there's no one right bra size anyway. After trying on many styles it seems that I can fit a 38B, 38C, or 40B, with none of these being consistently better than another. I ended up buying two 40B's. I fill them out pretty well. Overall I'm just a little bit bigger than what I used to pad to. Thankfully, there are only a few blouses that no longer fit. Unfortunately, some of my favorites are in this group. At least I didn't need a whole new wardrobe.

After three weeks without a bra it definitely felt weird to be wearing one again. I was no longer used to the straps and the weight on them. Now, after a few days it feels normal again.

After all the concerns about proper breast size and the like I am quite happy with the results.

Climbing High

After 4 months off I've returned to rock climbing, the first time since my breast augmentation. Knowing how weak, and sometimes uncomfortable, my pectoral muscles are I expected a fustrating, short night. I started off very low intensity and felt better than expected. This prompted me to keep increasing the difficulty/intensity level. Back before hormones and transition I used to climb comfortably at 5.10. After hormones, transition, and 20 months off I returned to climbing, able to comfortably climb in the 5.7-5.8 range. I had improved to being able to climb some 5.9's when I quit again for my surgeries. Yesterday the hardest I attempted was 5.7. I am far weaker than ever but not as bad as I thought I might be and the pecs didn't feel as uncomfortable as I anticipated, a pleasant surprise. My arms and legs are really sore today and I skipped my morning bike ride. I'll get back to that tomorrow. I plan to climb again next week. This would be the first time I've climbed on consecutive weeks in several years. It feels great to be climbing again!

Suture No More

After a trip to my PCP and her scrambled attempt to find a "family friendly" surgeon, in the end it was time that fixed my suture problem. On Sunday, about 11 days after it surfaced, the suture came out on its own. No muss, no fuss, no surgery, no pain. Hurrah for small miracles. Although I don't know if they are related, at the same time my granuloma has gone away. My breasts are looking pretty natural, too. I finally feel healed. I finally feel DONE!

This coming weekend will be 3 months since the BA. This means that I am OK to start wearing a bra. In anticipation of this I went through all of the bras I used to wear when I padded. Most of them were 38B with an occasional 40B. A few were too big and a few were too tight; it looks like I'm something around a 38B. All the last 3 months I've been lamenting that Dr M made me too big. It looks like he knew what he was doing.

Complications Continue

Since my infection, and since my checkup with my GP, I've had a red mass next to my clitoris. I sent pictures to Dr M's office and was told that I have a "suture granuloma". This means that my body has rejected one of the sutures and is trying to push it out. I'm told that once the suture surfaces, and is removed, all will resolve with no lingering effects. I'm supposed to apply warm compresses 3-4 times daily. At best I usually manage it only twice a day. So, 3 weeks later, the granuloma persists. Today, while checking everything out, I discovered what seems to be a suture poking out in the area of the new hooding above my clit. I don't know if it's involved with the granuloma as I don't know where its other end is. Right now it's a bit too painful to pull the thing out. This may require medical intervention!

On the top front my breasts are looking better, more natural, and starting to show more bounce and jiggle. A few more weeks and I can shop for new bras. Yeah!

I made good on my promise to restart exercising. I'm back on my exercise bike every weekday morning. After three weeks I'm just now starting see an effect on my weight.

Six Months?

Going by the day counter I just passed my half-year vaginoplasty anniversary. However, since February doesn't have a 30th I'm not sure when the six-month anniversary happens. In any case, the time has seemed to fly by. So much has happened, but in many ways very little has really happened. Truly, vaginoplasty is a huge step in the life of a transgirl but it's only one step of many and certainly not an end point. The step of going full time, for me, will always be the most important step, the day I was able to start living life on my terms, as the me I know myself to be. Going full time was a public event: memos were sent out, an information meeting was held, new identification was generated; everyone knew. Vaginoplasty was a private event; I never told anyone directly what I was doing. I was operated on, recuperated for several weeks, and then returned to work. Life went on. Birthdays were celebrated. The holidays came and went. I continued healing. Six weeks ago I had my labiaplasty and breast augmentation and started the healing process all over again, this time hurting both on top and on bottom. Again, I kept this quiet. Basically, I'm really glad to have all of this in the past. With these out of the way, from here on out it's just life.